I know I'm double posting.. But.. Just let me rant
I'm sure there's this unwritten rule that everyone have to look forward and not look back. But sometimes I'd rather live in the past. You know.. It's getting harder and harder each day to look infront.. My future is like a blur.. I've handled more than enough disappointments, too much that I seriously fear to anticipate what will happen next.
Disappointments in what? In me I guess. In what I do.. In what I think.. In how I act.. Maybe others around me are disappointed too.. Who knows? Never once I accomplished something good enough.. Maybe I never will.. Life has too much maybes.. Maybe this, maybe that.. Nothing can be for sure.. And I know my sentences aren't linking..
Sometimes I feel that I'm gonna crumble any moment. But I'm still okay I guess. I'll just have to take things as it comes. I'm tired of waiting.. Waiting for something good to finally happen. I've let too many good things pass me by.. Too many things I've regretted. Like they say, you never learn to cherish until you've lost it. That's just so true. You never know when something good happens. And I never seem to learn from my mistakes.. To cherish those around me. I guess I've lost one too many..
Looking back, there's this feeling of mixed joy and sadness. Remembering those days, those were the happiest moments in my life.. But now everything's gone.. The memories and... It'll never come back.. Friends.. Never forever..
I guess I'm never good at moving on.. Never good at forgetting such things. And I never thought things would turn out this way.. Just because of that slight mistake I made.. Just because I trust you enough to show you that I was angry.. Trust you enough to hope that you can understand why. And then it all went downhill.. The mask everyone has.. It's never meant to be taken off..
These are just depressing thoughts.. Things that doesn't make sense. To you or to me.. Life's just not working out right now.. Maybe its the stress that's causing me to think too much. I don't know.. I never know what I really thing anyways..
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