cause lately i've
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"For every two times you feel up there is twice the chance to feel down - 99/100騙しの哲 by UVERworld"

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Sunday, May 29, 2005


Really nice

12:29 PM

My parents rented The Phantom Of The Opera DVD last night. I watched at night till about 3 midnight. The show was nicer than the soundtrack itself. I know this show is kind of long ago already, but well, at least I watched it. For some people it may not be nice, but for me it's one of the best movies I've watched. While I was watching the show, I really hoped Christine would end up with the Phantom instead of Raoul *laugh*.

The sword fighting part was sort of interesting. But my favourite if when they sang 'the point of no return'. The Phantom was pitiful, really. At the end you see how hurt it is when Christine gave him back the ring. Some people may not understand what I'm talking if they haven't watch the show, but whatever. I'm going to learn 'the phantom of the opera' on piano, *grin*, I'm going to make sure I memorise it.

Piano teacher promised to bring the book, all the songs there. But I guess I'll learn 'think of me' first, well, the book is out of stock and she only has the notes of that song. I just got to wait longer *sigh*


Saturday, May 28, 2005


Great Description

12:29 AM

"Under drepression. Hated, sad and often feeling lonely, there is only a few that appreciate the real you. You tend to keep to yourself and away from the world since you don't want to be hurt and betrayed again. Music gives you the understanding you need to get through, it's your "therapy". Chances are you're also an anti-social person, who only likes being with close friends, if even that. The world has finally showed it's true face for you and you wish life wasn't this miserable to live through. Maybe you'll find happiness in the future, but right now you're just hiding away from the world. Who needs people anyway?"

Exact description, absolutely accurate. The world is just treating me very unfairly. But people just say, "the world is unfair, not only to you but to everyone". Maybe yes but....This is really hurting me deep, I don't want to continue this, this......Problem....I'm just running away from all this...


Thursday, May 26, 2005


Butterfly Dreams

10:03 PM

Hehe, this title sucks. But things were wierd today, I'll explain later. School is the same old thing, boring. Well, we had this talk about *cough,cough* "ahem". It was boring, yeah it is. Now explaining about the title. Today morning when I was going to school... I took the lift and when the lift door open, I saw a big, black, butterfly flew out, it was beautiful, amazingly beautiful. Then when I was out wih Wee Shan after school, we passed an area and saw another one, it looks similar. Then when I brought her to the place with the swing, we saw four of it!

Way wierd, what is happening to this world? Okay, after that we went back to my house, played a bit then went downstairs to blow some bubbles. At the carpark at a big stair area, we sat there and blew. Took turns, attracted alot of attention! Haha, since we were primary 6, we shouldn't be out blowing bubbles right? *laughs*

We went back and visited SFOGS. Wee Shan didn't know the Nightmare Girl and went to click on it. I saw and quickly cover my ears and turn away. I on the volume high, so it was very loud, I didn't expect her to click on "that". Wee Shan screamed! Haha, serve her right! The thing is that she click again, then again! Right Wee Shan?!? Okay, so that's butterfly and bubbles. A butterfly in a bubble, that's what I thought of. It's beautiful, really, I wonder why some people hate butterflies, they're so beautiful, elegant... Butterfly Dreams...... Forever dreaming of it.... Oh there I go again, talking to myself, crap! Byez


Tuesday, May 24, 2005


Screwed up

5:14 PM

I'm so sad about today. I totally screwed for the performance for the road safety song. I made a mistake. I was told I played to slow, BUT, I was told to play THAT slow. Same old thing, I am used to playing at a faster and average speed so, making me play slow was a great mistake. First, I play slow I will make mistakes. Second, if I play slow it makes the song awful, really awful, seems so boring, I don't think we can ever win now.

Music day was boring. White sands idol totally SUCKS. Should be White Sands Idiots instead. People who can't sing went up, I didn't vote then. Damn they made the song sound awfully wierd in a awkward way, what the hell am I talking about. Okay, conclusion is, this sucks. We were playing a game, well, the winner smacks the losers hand, scissors paper stone. Now, my hand is red, pain and I think I got scars, I hope not. The only thing I'm happy about is I won :D But I was playing more of a see who can hit harder game, so my hand totally hurts, I tried using full force, made my hand so painful.

The rest of the day is fine, well, boring. Nope, it's not fine. I just remembered that I didn't bring my composition book, and well, chinese thing. Well, you probably won't understand me anyway. I got a more complete version about the day in my "personal diary" at "diaryland". It had password protection so don't bother to find out. Bye bye, searching for a new skin while thinking when to complete the composition.


Monday, May 23, 2005


Archery

7:15 PM

Here's the conversation about me telling my mum about the archery :D

*me* "Mummy, uhhh, our school got one archery course..."
*mum* "Really?"
*me* "Yeah, I want to join, can? But it's very expensive leh..."
*mum* "As long as you study hard then you can join*

*me* "YAY! Thank you thank you!"

Haha, this is such a great news, well, at the end I told her it's $118 and she still said okay, I'm so happy, so fortunate. This life, isn't that bad after all. Things are really getting better. Played badminton just now, I screwed up lots of times, *laughs*, it was fun. Haven't played much of conquer today, I just don't feel like it. I made a private diary, which no one can see, hehe, personal. I just hope I won't forget the password if not I'm dead.


Saturday, May 21, 2005


Boring Day

6:38 PM

Today sure is boring. I got totally nothing to do at home. Early in the morning my brother went out, then was my parents, then my grandma! Me, all alone, I feel so deserted again. I stayed at home playing computer. *yawn* I took the wrong tablet last night and took the morning one, so I decided to take the night one today morning. I totally forgotten it would make me drowsy and tired, I took it.

I was like yawning the whole day, but I couldn't sleep so I continued playing computer. Conquer was like mad today and the chat box was all the way at the back, couldn't even see what I was typing. *yawn* boring...


Friday, May 20, 2005


Allergy

10:02 PM

Oh my god! I just came back from the doctor a while ago, it was okay, but I had to stop eating lots of stuff! Crackers(why this?!), seafood(now I have an excuse not to eat it), nut(I don't really care about this), mushroom(no mushroom soup!?), honey(wtf?)...Shit Shit and Shit...I another thing is that, I saw something about chicken pox and realised I haven't got em yet. Heard my father got it when he was around 30+ and it was freaking painful. When my brother got his when he was a baby, my mum put me beside my brother hoping I would get it too but no, I didn't got it. Till now, I'm starting to get worried.

I hate allergies, no more crackers and mushroom soup, how will I live!?! Fish is still acceptable, and I was thinking, god damn it, couldn't fish be one of those I couldn't eat too? Oh how I hate it...I even had to change a new bathe soap, this is skin allergy, hate it hate it and hate it.


Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Beutiful Memories

4:10 PM

Memories we had
Times we spent
This love we had
Is it really the end?
I count the days
Slowly going by
It's been two years now
And it isn't a lie
I've been thinking of you
Day and night
You've been in my head
Clear and bright
I remember your voice
The talk we had
I remember your words
The feelings I had


Monday, May 16, 2005


My Unlucky Day

5:27 PM

Today, I'm very unlucky...Let me name those unlucky incidents...First, I got back science which I didn't do well...So now I only got 337/400 which sucks like hell! Then I had a quarrel with Jayce, good thing is we patched up less than half an hour later. Then when we went out...I had to spend money to buy Long John Silver for lunch, worst thing is...I spilt the drinks!!! Even worst!!! It spilt on my food!!!

I had no appetite after that. Ate a couple of soaked fries and a chicken then, I'm done. Had to wait for Jayce and Marinah then. We then went around, and visited little shops. Good thing is that I didn't spend anymore except for the neoprint. Now I got to say this. The neoprint was good, at least Marinah was out of the way this time. But bad thing I found out I lost all my other neoprints!! Damn I hate today, guess Friday the thirteen is much better than Monday the sixteen!

I am so mad, Even worst about the neoprint, Some bits got to get stuck on the transparent sheet so now I can't get it out...Couldn't put anything else there or you can easily see a face or two or maybe a head or something, it's wierd, and ugly! I'm going to ask my mum for ideas to get that shit of it...Damn, this is crap, total bullshit, I'm so mad!!


Saturday, May 14, 2005


I will let go

10:12 PM

I thought it over. I thought through many times already. I finally decided on something. I no longer care about this anymore. I'll cherish it as long as it last, I will. But when you decided to leave, I will not force you to stay. I don't know if this have ever got to you. I know it must have. We are clearly 2 different person. I don't care if I have many or less friends as long as they care and are true friends.

You are different I can tell. You can talk to people easily like you've known them for years, but I can't. Enough about you now. I can't seem to talk to them about how I really feel, how my life really is. I can't seem to say it. Some people may know who "they" is, but some lucky people will not understand me. What have I done to deserve this? I always think...Why me and not someone else? I've lost my appetite, I couldn't eat much now. Yesterday I only ate an ice pop and dinner, which like my mum said, very little rice and not much other stuff. Today, breakfast, 2 pieces of bread, an egg and a piece of...Meat? And half a packet of chicken rice. It's torture I say.

I don't have the energy to stay up now, I couldn't last till after 1 like I usually do at night. I'm so tired now, but why? I woke up at only around 11 today. I wish one day I would just sleep, fall into an everlasting slumber. Goodnight.



Never ending Words
2:44 PM

I have so many things I want to tell you
Yet I'm afraid you say it out
I feel like such a coward
I really just wanna shout
Tell you everything in my heart
So you can understand it all
I don't want to trouble you
Yet I hope you can realise the pain I'm in
The suffering this caused me
No words can describe it

I don't want you to leave me
Cause you're all I have now
I don't wish to end this
I want a happy ending
I wish you can stay by my side
Through thick and thin
And not run and hide
And just leave me

I wish you could unveil
This misery I'm in
And save me now
From what the future holds me
Rescue me from this world of darkness
And bring me to light
So I can find true happiness
In the brighter side

You're the only one now
that controls my future
You are the key
To my one and only freedom
The days we have now
The time we spend
Is slowly seeping
We're reaching the end
The day is short
We don't have much time
The end is nearing
Please don't leave me behind


Thursday, May 12, 2005


Trouble

7:58 PM

Well, second post of the day...I'm so worried about the higher chinese tomorrow. I don't want to talk about it already. Just now WeeShan and Victoria came to my house for awhile. WeeShan was hogging on the computer while we tease her about what I wrote just now. Well, now I know how choosy she is, she wanted me to help her find a skin which is black, no pictures, with stars around. Damn it's so hard.

Brother's having a fever, just went to Loyang Point to get a number for him. Went to buy nescafe too. That is equal to Double Trouble. One, my brother. Two, WeeShan *rolls eyes*. Okay, signing off now, going to study at 9pm. Bye.


Sunday, May 08, 2005


Happy Mother's Day

9:21 PM

Happy mother's day mum...Though I didn't buy anything for you, you'll always be the best mum in the world. At least I didn't make you angry this weekend. I went to grandma's house, yes...Just now was kind of fun, we went to eat at Loyang Point just now. Same thing, adult a table, children a table. We kids were really having our fun. Many funny things going on. Well, I'm sitting between Crystal and Shuling, both and only girl cousins on my dad's side.

I was reading, yes, I brought my book. Shuling was studying, or is she doing her homework? I notice Crystal was playing with her phone, or just listening to the guys. I remember Shuling was very unlucky. She put her bag on the other chair beside her. First, there came a praying mantis which almost went inside her bad as it was open. It was the first time I saw a praying mantis up close, it was beautiful, the fact that I went really close. Dad came and swept it up on a paper, but it crawled up his hand, I screamed a little. Then came a bug, flying thing, not what it is, but it's an insect.

Well, Weikai tried to drink with 5 or more straws connected. We were laughing like mad over there. It really got me away from reality for a moment. But now it's back to life, got to start getting ready for tomorrow's English exam. Go me!(not very enthusiastic)



Just Not Right
1:19 PM

I feel so wierd these days...I don't know what is wrong with me. I took it out on Uncle Donkey yesterday night. Usually we could joke around, but yesterday I just went quiet and scolded him. I don't know what's wrong with me. I said sorry, I told him I really don't know what went wrong. Glad we're still friends. I'm so confused.

I'm having trouble with stuff, on game, in life. I don't know what to do. I can't get myself to say some things, I just don't know what to do. My brain is going to burst. I've been thinking, alot. I fear playing too much will affect my studies, but I don't want to lag behind everyone. I don't know how to get it right. I'm really sorry, really sorry for everything, to everyone. This isn't right. I'm so lost.


Saturday, May 07, 2005


Back to life

10:58 AM

I'm finally going out on the weekends, I feel so normal again...People might think this is wierd right? The truth is that I rarely even step out of the house on weekends. Usually I'm playing computer or so. Even though this time I'm only giong to my grandma's house, but at least I'm going out. Heard that I'm going to my dad's office too later. I'm bringing to thick book, cause I know it'll be really really boring. Get a life! Duh, so what if it's boring. Too bad my discman is spoilt, if not I'll on it to full volume and just read with no distractions. Feel like going down to ride a bike later, but sadly I know it's dreaming, not reality. Even if it's possible, I can't go alone.
Damn, I feel so stressed up these days. Exams and exams, just finished composition and oral, 2 days later will be the main paper...English, this sucks most. My last test I only got...Can't say, I'm so disappointed. So sad, I feel so hopeless. I don't dare to show my mum, I really don't. I envy my friends, they get such nice results for english, thats the 1st language, main subject, most important. How I envy them. I know this year I'm slacking too much, it's that I couldn't help it. How I hate my life.